


I'm sorry

by Jenayisonearth



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Emails, M/M, Making Up, after a fight, angst but with a happing ending, break - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-24 03:33:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12004122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenayisonearth/pseuds/Jenayisonearth
Summary: After a huge fight ending up with Dan kicking Phil out of their apartment, dan sends an email and phil replies. It's their only form of communication during this 'break'.





	1. Chapter 1

Dear Phil, 

it's been exactly two days three hours and five minutes since you left me. I'm so sorry about the words I said, my pride overrode what was really important. You.

I'm sorry I got too caught up, I forgot you where human too.

I'm sorry I yelled and shouted for two hours two days and four hours and five minutes ago. 

I'm sorry I kicked you out, it's our apartment not Just mine or yours. 

I'm sorry I didn't stop you from packing in that one hour span two days and seven minutes ago.

I'm sorry I let you walk out into the hot London air into where who knows where.

I'm sorry I didn't run after you. I know I should've. The next four hours where spent in silence in that nook between the book shelf and desk. It's quit small but I wanted to shrink and be held, it was closest thing to it.

I'm sorry that instead of calling you or texting you I rocked myself back and forth one day 23 hours and eight minutes after you left. I was so angry at myself I smashed my phone blaming it on the fight we had earlier. 

I'm sorry I was a jerk to you, you deserve the whole world, not me.

I'm sorry I told you to leave, it was the worst thing I'd ever done. 

I'm sorry I didn't see it two days three hours and five minutes ago when your foot left the last of our property, or when you turned the corner and hailed a taxi with a perfectly practiced wave that comes with living in London for five years. 

I'm so sorry Phil, I love you with all my heart. I would call your brother Martyn, Pj, or even your parents but I don't have their bloody contacts. The numbers died with my phone. 

Please answer me Phil, tell me where you are and I'll come to you, I'm done with having you come to me. I want to make it up to you, please answer Phil.

I'm sorry it took me two days three hours and twenty minutes to realize this, I'm sorry it took fifteen minutes and thirty five seconds to write a short email, I'm so sorry.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Dan,

I know you are sorry, but I don't know if I am. 

I know you got caught up with this new found feeling. I'm happy. 

I know that you probably regret some stuff and I know I do. 

I know you want me to come home or come to me to go home, but I also know I can't see you right now. I'm sorry.

I know that if I do I won't fix this problem inside me. 

I know you don't understand; that's fact from knowing you your entire adulthood. And I know you'll blame it on just you. I won't lie Dan, you didn't lighten this whirlwind. I know this sounds weird, but don't worry, I'm okay. 

I know you'd go to the ends of earth for me. I’s do the same for you, too. And I know you want to start coming back for me but please understand that I need some time. 

I know you want to prove you know you're wrong and begin these past few months over, but I need to have a break from everything. 

Don't worry, Dan Howell, we're not over yet and I don't plan us to be done right here and now. I love you so much, but sometimes a little space is healthy. This is just that. 

I won't tell you where I am but I'm safe and sound. I won't tell because I know your drive is to make things alright. Honestly, you're so extra and I love it. 

And a little side note, I also regret my words two days 19 hours and seven minutes ago, but I don't regret leaving. 

I know you don't feel the same, I know you too well. 

I can picture your reaction perfectly and smoothly in my head, words can't explain the emotion that will cross your eyes. I feel guilty for leaving so suddenly, but this is a have to leave, not a want to leave.

I love you Dan, I don't know how long until I see you again but know you are the single most important person in my life so don't beat yourself up; it would've happened sooner or later. 

-Phil


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Phil,

You’re right, I don’t get it. But I trust you and I know that if you say it’ll be okay then it will be. But that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to make you feel guilty or try to get you to come back. It’s just these past two days 19 hours and 15 minutes ago feel empty without you. 

I responded only eight minutes after but what can I say, the Internet is my life. 

No, that’s a lie. I’ve been going back and forth between tabs checking if you sent a response. I can’t even concentrate on anything as simple as watching YouTube videos because it all leads to this void I now feel. 

No, this isn’t about trying to get you to come back. I have a feeling at what you’re getting at, Phil, and it hurts like hell. We fit so perfectly together that when the universe reminds that there’s small chips and cracks in our perfect halves I want to scream at the reminder, because usually it’s so easy and I hate being reminded that, like everyone else, we have things to work on, too. 

I miss you, and I’m sorry you had to leave like this. If I learned anything from spending these past eight years together, it’s that a person can only take so much, and while you can take on a lot, I still crushed you. 

I’m so sorry, Phil. I would have liked to say this face-to-face so you’d know I’m not lying. I might be a theater child, but I’m telling the raw truth when I tell you that when I make you cry it feels like I’m being ripped in two.

I'm trying so hard to write what I mean down but I'm not the best descriptive person when I'm in a rush. I know I have a wide vocabulary but replying soon is so important Phil. 

No, Phil, I don’t feel the same, but I trust you. I’m not patient, but for I’d wait for the world. And if this whole time has taught me something, it’s that you always speak the truth for me. So, I’ll see you again, maybe soon maybe not. 

 

-Dan


End file.
